


God-Designed Disease

by colorblockshirts



Category: The Book of Mormon - Parker/Stone/Lopez
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Child Abuse, Elder McKinley's Parents are Pieces of Shit, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Rating May Change, Slow Burn, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates, idk much abt where this fic is going okay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-25
Updated: 2020-03-25
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:08:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23305150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/colorblockshirts/pseuds/colorblockshirts
Summary: Connor McKinley was expecting a beautiful name like Lily or Katherine to appear on his arm, in a flawless cursive font his parents would adore.Instead, on the morning of his fifteenth birthday, he checked his arm and felt sick.
Relationships: Arnold Cunningham/Nabulungi Hatimbi, Elder "Connor" McKinley/Kevin Price, Elder Church/Elder Thomas (Book of Mormon Musical)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 45





	God-Designed Disease

Connor never meant to have a male soulmate. 

His life had been perfectly planned out. He knew exactly what he wanted his wife to look like, and in his head, she was the perfect Mormon girl. His parents would adore her. She would follow him to high school, BYU, and maybe even his mission. Maybe, she could even convince his parents that his ‘therapies’ had worked. She would make Connor McKinley the perfect Mormon boy.

Connor was expecting a beautiful name like Lily or Katherine to appear on his arm, in a flawless cursive font his parents would adore. 

Instead, on the morning of his fifteenth birthday, he checked his arm and felt sick. 

Nausea and guilt overwhelmed him as he ran to the nearest bathroom and felt bile rising up his throat. He took another look at his arm and promptly vomited. 

Scrawled onto his arm was the name Kevin. 

A boy’s name. 

He sat up and dug his nails into his arm, feeling tears prick at his eyes as he wondered why Heavenly Father would curse him with that name. His fingers started to move, clawing at his own arm desperately as he whispered tiny pleas to Heavenly Father to do anything to change the name He had written, to just make him normal. 

He had prayed to Heavenly Father every night to just put an end to the urges he had been having since fifth grade. It had never worked, and Connor knew why. He was destined for Hell. He belonged there. Heavenly Father put him through it nightly for a reason. He was doomed to a life of loving a man, after all. 

He looked back at his arm and sobbed. The mark was still there, raised and irritated against his red, raw skin. It was so stupid of him to think he could change Heavenly Father’s will. He felt panic set in as he began to hyperventilate, feeling nauseous again

He screamed for his parents, tears dripping down his chin onto the tiled floor, and as his mother opened the door to the bathroom in a panic, he revealed his trembling arm to her that had been marked with pure sin. She would be able to fix it; Connor was sure. 

She inhaled harshly and sucked in a breath. “It’s going to be alright,” she whispered, though there was a tremble in her voice. “I’m sure Heavenly Father just made a mistake. He must have.. swapped your mark with a girl’s,” she comforted. . “I know a lovely girl out there has your name on her arm, Connor. You’ll find her and you’ll know she’s yours.” She wiped away his tears and placed a small kiss on his forehead.

Connor was overjoyed he would have a normal soulmate. But when he imagined the perfect Mormon girl that he had perfected to his parent’s liking, imagined kissing her, getting married, making love.. he felt a little sick to his stomach. He’d rather be kissing someone like Steve Blade- no, no, he couldn’t be thinking those thoughts. He had to get rid of them, if he wanted to have a real soulmate.

“Go downstairs and get some breakfast, sweetheart. I need to talk to your father about this little.. mistake.” 

Connor, afraid to oppose, nodded and rushed downstairs, instantly being greeted by his sisters and asked a flood of invasive questions about his soulmark. He half-heartedly grinned at them and shrugged, then made himself a bowl of cereal, which he only had a small bite of before deciding he didn’t have the appetite for it. 

He heard his father coming down the stairs and flinched, hearing the man’s muffled, held-back shouts, noisy even through the walls. He entered, nostrils flaring like a bull’s as he exhaled harshly.

“Connor.” 

He tensed, looking away. 

“Connor, show me your arm.” 

He took trembling steps towards the man, observing every last detail of the tiled floor just to avoid his father’s face.

He slowly held out his arm, his eyes clenching shut as a hand grabbed his wrist tightly and twisted his arm to reveal the name. He heard his sister’s footsteps, and then their small gasps of horror. His father gripped his wrist tighter; Connor knew there would be a bruise there the next morning. 

A few moments later, he was sent tumbling to the ground as a fist collided with his cheek. His eyes opened wide as he scrambled away from his father. The man’s leg raised in the air.

“I-I’m sorry!” he blurted. The tears finally started to fall again. “I’m d-disgusting, even Heavenly Father knows I’m not a real Mormon.. I’m a horrible-” he sniffed lightly- “a horrible sinner, I’m sorry..” 

“At least you know it. Go upstairs and pack your bags.” 

“Wh- what? Why?” If they were going to kick him out, Connor was sure he deserved it.

“I can’t have a-” 

Connor’s mother quickly intervened before her husband could finish. “Connor, sweetheart,” she said gently, kneeling down next to him, “your father and I.. talked a little bit about what we would do if this was true, if the mark stayed, and.. we decided the best option would be to send you to a camp. They can fix you there. They’re experienced, they know how confused boys like you act. Then, Heavenly Father will change your mark. I promise.” 

All Connor could do was nod and ignore his terror. All Connor could do was stand up, walk to his room, and begin to pack his things, still scratching at his arm and begging Heavenly Father to do anything to stop his torture.

As school was out for summer vacation, Connor spent the rest of the day studying scripture and praying. He didn’t have much better to do; all of his friends were either distant from Connor’s intense studying, or they were Steve Blade, and Connor couldn’t be around him. If he did, he was sure they’d have to have some kind of talk about soulmates. Most kids did when they got their marks. Connor would have to confess his.. urges, as he was sure they were the reason Heavenly Father was giving him this punishment. It would go badly. 

That night, his door creaked open, and his mother stepped in. Connor looked over at her, trying to hide the mark as best he could. 

“Connor, can I see your arm?” she asked. He nodded wordlessly and closed his copy of the Book of Mormon before standing up and walking over. She sat on his bed, and he followed. She gently pulled a leather wristband over his hand and onto his arm. It covered about an inch and a half of his arm; enough to completely hide the mark. 

“See? No one has to know,” she whispered. “You don’t have to be scared. And once you get back from camp, we’ll take off the wristband, and I’m sure it’ll be different.” 

“What if- what if it isn’t?” he asked, glancing up at her with scared, tired eyes. 

“That.. won’t happen,” she said. “Now get packed. They’re letting you take one backpack, so try to just bring what’s important.” 

Connor nodded and hugged her. “Okay,” he murmured softly. “Thank you,” he said hesitantly, “f-for getting me help.” 

“Of course.” She kissed him on the forehead and stood up.

“I love you, Mom.” 

“I love you too, Connor,” she said. Then, she left, closing the door behind her.


End file.
